Silently
by Sasurealian
Summary: NaruSasu - Yaoi- My name is Naruto and I am back in the hospital for lung cancer. My roommate is rather strange, but each day he sits next to the window and explains to me what he sees. I want what he has, but in the end is won't matter. ANGST!


**A/N: Guess what? Yea, this story was written a while ago. Like 8-10 months ago. Sorry for typos and stuff like that. e.e Just a repost. OH this is a SADDDD fic. =( sorry. ENJOY!**

**Warnings: Lalalala lalalala Kishi's world 'do' 'do' 'do' lalalala lalalala Kishi's woorrrrldddd 'do' 'do' 'do' Kishi loves his yaoiiii, his SasuNaru tooooo! That's Kishi's wooorrrld. x3 (erm..Elmo luff, freakz!)**

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Once again I found myself back into the hospital. I was getting sick of always getting ill and ending back up here. I mentally was getting weaker and not from being sick either! Now this time was a bit different than the last time I was ill and ended up back in a damn bed for several weeks. This time I was in a different hospital, far far away in a totally different state. I really wasn't thrilled either, because that meant my parents only visited me on the weekends and I had no one to talk to, but myself. My doctor told me that I needed to be transferred because my sickness was getting worse. She also said that they didn't have the right equipment and medicine there for me. I could only whine and complain, but it had to be done.

"Here we are, Naruto. This is going to be your new room." My nurse wheeled me in my new hospital room. I already didn't like it. It was small and had a weird smell, plus there was some other person in here.

I sighed, "I don't even have a window next to my bed." The nurse smiled, "Well, your roommate can tell you how boring it is out the window." She then giggled and rolled her eyes as she helped me onto my new bed.

The one thing I hated about my illness was I couldn't sit up very well. The medicine they made me take prevented me from using my strength and I felt like I was some dead person waiting to be buried.

I lay back on my bed, my head towards the ceiling, "Damn I want to go home." I wished as I let out a deep breath.

"Uuh, I do too." A voice answered back. I jumped and turned my head to the quiet bed next to mine. A raven haired boy sat up in his bed and smiled at me lightly. His skin was so pale and he looked deathly fragile. His thin face framed him and his dark eyes glowered. I tried not to blush, but we don't always succeed in life.

"You look a bit shaken up." The soft voice spoke. I blinked twice and sighed, "I'm just tired...and bored."

"Hn..."

I watched him as his gaze pulled from mine. Was I really not interesting to him?

It felt like hours passed by with thick, pure nothing. Either of us said a word and I soon felt like I might fall asleep.

"Ugh, I wanna go back to school! And that's saying a lot!" I finally yelled out. Sasuke smirked and turned towards me, "Hn..how old are you dobe?"

"Huh? Me a dobe?" My face scrunched up and crossed my arms, "I'm seventeen...what about you?"

Sasuke paused, "...I'm sixteen."

"Wow, that is kinda young. You look about eighteen or nineteen to me." I answered back watching him. He never raised his voice or said more than a sentence, but he was just beautiful to watch. He looked like an angel somehow.

"So...uh.." I began to break the silence, "How long have you been here?"

Sasuke let out a deep breath and turned back towards me, "A while..."

"Well how long is that?" I scoffed.

"Well, about four years. They won't let me out since my illness is quite severe."

I partly jumped at the number. The longest I ever was stuck here was six months and I remember wanted to jump out a window during that 'death trip.'

"Wow, what do you have?" I asked curiously. Sasuke flashed me a half smile before speaking again, "I have lung cancer and it makes it hard for me to breathe. The doctors sometimes worry, so they've been making me stay here since the last time I was released I almost died."

I felt sorry for the guy. I had a simple lung disease and would probably get better completely in a couple of years. But with cancer you don't know what is going to happen. "Erm, I uh...I'm sorry." I turned my gaze from anywhere, but him. I didn't know what else to say? He seemed to dislike the sympathy.

"Don't pity me like everyone else dobe. I don't like it and won't accept it either."

I grunted, "Well, first off my name is Naruto! Don't call me dobe! Second, I am not feeling sorry for you, just that...whatever.." I found myself blushing again.

"Hn, my name is Sasuke."

The way his name rolled off his tongue sounded nice. Wha? What did I just say. I mentally hissed at myself while looking back up at the boring, white ceiling.

After a while I noticed that Sasuke was looking out the window with a small smile on his face. I wished I could be by the window looking out. I hated looking at nothing while that teme was entertained. Then again, I was sure he never got to see the real world. He was always locked up in here. I wasn't going to be envious on him! Never!

Sasuke then turned towards me, "What's with the scowl, dobe?"

"Huh, I'm no- HEY! I said not to call me that." Sasuke only smirked at me in return.

Soon the nurse came in and brought us dinner, later I fell asleep and not another word to Sasuke. I was beginning to wonder if I'd be here for a while.

* * *

The next day I slept almost till noon. I woke up bored and decided to read a manga I brought. Sadly I finished it within the hour and was back to doing absolutely NOTHING. My parents weren't going to be here for over a week because of work and that meant NOTHING to do.

I cursed when I saw Sasuke looking out the window again. "Hnnnnn..." I growled and Sasuke gave me a puzzled look, "What?"

"What is so great about the window? What is out there I can't see?"

"...the world...what else?"

"….."

"….."

"Grr, well, what do you see?" I asked crossing my arms while Sasuke only slightly smiled. "I see a pond as blue as the sea...and...children playing. One of them is walking a dog and playing fetch with it. I...I see a couple holding hands and a family having a picnic." Sasuke paused, but I wished for him to go on. "What else?"

"The sky is the most deepest blue and I see a few birds in the sky. A few children are now playing with a red ball and one is crying because she doesn't seem to want to play that game." Sasuke continued, "I see a few cars passing by and a train off in the distance. I can see a birthday party by the edge of the pond and a pinata being beat to death by a few older aged kids."

I sat back and listened to Sasuke. Why? Why did this sound like a mere dream more than the reality? Why did I enjoy listening to Sasuke talk about what was out that window? Why?

Hours went by as Sasuke would tell me what he saw. I kept telling myself I wasn't going to be jealous. I won't! But as days went by I found myself wanting to know. I wanted to see it for myself. I couldn't just sit here each and every day while Sasuke talked about what he saw. I wanted to experience it for myself!

A week after I came here I woke to the sound of coughing. Sasuke was next to me clicking down the nurse emergency button. A nurse rushed in and immediately injected him with some soft liquid medicine. Sasuke soon calmed down and was back to his normal self. "Hey...you alright?" I asked. Sasuke only winced and sighed, "Fine."

I sighed and lay back in my bed. The nurse hadn't sat me up for the day and I was beginning to become bored again. "Sasuke...what do you see out the window today?"

Sasuke took a small sip of water next to him before turning towards the window, "Looks like to me that the cherry blossoms have bloomed. They look so pink and perky this year."

I awed and could practically smell them. I closed my eyes softly and tried to imagine what he saw.

"I can see children sailing a boat in the pond and one small child fell in." Sasuke smiled, "The mom just saved him and is scolding him. Poor kid."

I laughed and let out a deep breath, "When I get out of here you and I are going to go out there and see that world, ne Sasuke? It is going to be a lot better than here!"

Sasuke didn't answer me back, but lay back in his bed swinging his hands over his head, "That would be nice dobe."

* * *

A few days went by and my parents brought me my laptop and a few books to read. My parents were only there for the day and left. They had a lot of business to do and wished me luck with my sickness. I knew they cared, but since I was always in the hospital I began to think it was a habit for them.

"Sasuke, where are your parents?" I asked as I randomly looked up stuff on my laptop. Sasuke didn't answer me at first and I began to worry, "Um, Sasuke?"

"They're dead."

I jumped, "Oh..umm...Sasuke I'm so-"

"Don't be. It was my fault they died anyway. I should have been home that week, but I ended up in the hospital...I just couldn't stop coughing...and my older brother was sad for me. He was crying and was so upset that he..that he went into shock. My parents wouldn't let him see me and he got angry...very angry." Sasuke paused. I saw his eyes started to tears up and turn red. "Sasuke...I.."

"He killed them because of me. He wanted to see me and was mad at them, so he killed them." Tears rolled down his face, but his eyes were looking at nothing in particular. "After he realized what he did, he committed suicide and I ended up all alone." Sasuke then blinked twice and wiped the tears from his face, "But...it was nothing."

I growled, "Stop acting so strong and mighty! You're only human, too, so start acting like it!" I wanted to go over there and punch him hard in the face. Why did he act like it was nothing? He was so wrong and needed to realize it wasn't his fault. "Don't blame yourself for what happened, Sasuke. It isn't your fault and only an accident."

Sasuke only ignored me, but somehow I knew I hit a weak spot.

A few days went by and I couldn't help, but like hearing Sasuke talk about the outside window more than playing on my laptop. I could listen for hours on end and not once did I get bored and want him to stop. His voice was so pure and angelic like that it made everything so much better. I longed to wake each day just to hear him talk about it. It had been two weeks into the day I met him that something amazing happened and I wanted to see it! But I couldn't. Why did Sasuke have to be by the window?

"What do you see! Tell me again!" I pleaded.

"A parade. There is a parade!" Sasuke repeated, this time raising his voice a bit. "What type of floats?" I asked.

"Well, I see a few shaped like balloons and a cat one and...even a mouse. They look really well made and a few children are riding on them. I can see a few people throwing candy and confetti out to the crowd of people and they're cheering and clapping their hands."

I closed my eyes softly, "Sasuke, that sounds so nice right now. Reminds me when I was a child and how I begged my mother to let me go to a parade. I never got to see one before, ya'know. But even now...if this is how close I can get to one then I am happy."

"Hn...sure dobe..."

"Hey Sasuke?" I asked opening my eyes, "What else? There has to be more!"

Sasuke rolled his eyes and smirked, "There is always more dobe. The world is full of everything, but you only have to open your eyes to really see what it there right in front of you. It is always there, you just have to open your heart to see. Once you've done that then you have everything you've ever wanted."

I was puzzled by what Sasuke just said. He never made any sense, but I reminded myself that he was sick and never left the hospital, so that was probably why.

Soon night swept into the day and I could see the moonlight as Sasuke described it.

"They're fireworks going off and the bright colors are mixing together like a rainbow. I can see kids with sparklers and a few of them playing tag off by the pond. Heh, even a little puppy is chasing the little kid with an ice cream."

I tried not to become jealous, but I wanted to know! I wanted to see! Why did he get the window? When was it my turn? I hissed and turned over on my back. I hated not being able to see with my own pair of eyes.

"Dobe? You okay?"

"Just fine!" I snapped back.

Sasuke then sighed, "I can see a couple kissing by the pond. The moonlight really does reflect off them both. They look so happy and sincere. I can tell they're going to be together for a while. I bet that they're engaged and soon going to start their happy life together. Sounds great doesn't it, dobe? I always wondered if happiness worked like that, but I find myself not believing it...after my brother..and...mother...father...I dunno if life is always like that. But just looking onto them I can see...I understand what you meant that time."

I didn't say anything, but listened. Sasuke had never said so much at one short time before, but...I only wished to see, too. I don't wanna sit here watching nothing anymore! If Sasuke wasn't here anymore then- What was I saying? I didn't want to think anymore and turned onto my side and shut my eyes closed. The nurse came in and made sure all the lights were out. She did her last check of the night while I tried to ignore her.

Sasuke muttered something to me, but I didn't catch it in the mist of my heavy thinking and trying to fall asleep. The nurse giggled and left the room quietly. I shrugged and fell off asleep.

* * *

I woke to a loud sound of coughing. The night was still thick and heavy and I could hear crickets off in the distance. I didn't say anything as I shifted in my bed. Sasuke was having a coughing attack...and...I...only watched.

He tried to reach for the nurse call, but couldn't sit up in his bed. He continued to cough...and cough...and cough. It sounded so horrible, but why didn't I do anything? Why did I just lay there! Shit, he was DYING!

My eyes closed lightly as the coughing continued on. Sasuke began to cry out in pain, but I still did nothing. I felt the crying pain in my heart calling me to be still. To silence my movement, but deep inside myself I wanted to help Sasuke. Why?

Soon the coughing slowed down and his breathing with it. I guess...Sasuke fell back asleep?

I rolled over in my bed and tried to fall back asleep, but I couldn't. I should tell the nurse. I should tell them Sasuke was having a coughing attack, but I didn't. I didn't want to.

When morning came I woke to a loud scream of the nurse. Once I woke my heart jumped and I felt my breathing lessen. I rubbed my eyes and peered at the bed next to mine. The nurse had her hand placed over her mouth and she shook her head in disbelief.

Sasuke...he...was...dead...

I didn't even notice that I was crying. I swallowed lightly and tried to catch my breath. I remembered last night and the images and sounds replayed in my head like a movie. I let him die! I let my best friend die!

The nurse ran out of the room and asked for help. Many nurses and the doctor rushed in to help him, but it was already too late.

I couldn't even look at him as they took his body away. I only sat there cursing at myself. I let him die. I let Sasuke die! All because of the window! Because I wanted to sit by the window instead of him. Jealousy took me apart and I hated myself. I wanted to die!

The nurse came back in a few hours later and sighed bringing me my lunch.

"We're going to move you by the window bed, is that okay with you?" The nurse asked while I paused. I then nodded quietly as she helped me up and gently and moved me to the other bed.

"Poor poor boy. I feel bad that he died. But...at least he was happy when he died. He...just never looked to be a happy child, but even since...well..a few weeks ago, he seemed to lighten up and bit and smile more." Though I know she was more or less talking to herself, I wanted to cry.

The nurse left and I urged myself to sit up in my bed. My heart began to beat twice as fast and I finally sat up and gazed out the window.

My heart stopped beating and my face turned ghost white. I felt like I could throw up and my whole insides began to burn. Mostly my eyes though. I began to cry and clutch my heart at what I saw. Why! That damn bastard, WHY!

As I looked at the window and all I saw was a grey, stone wall. It looked to be a back alley of some sort and there was nothing to see, but grey. Tears streamed down my face and a burning sensation tingled in my eyes. Why did that bastard lie to me all this time! Why did he tell me all those things when they were never there! DAMN HIM WHY! I glared and cursed at the thick stones stained up the wall. That jerk.

I buried my tears in my knees as I brought them to my face. I hated him! He...he...he lied to me.

"Naru-chan, how are you?" The nurse asked. Her pink hair was let down and I guessed she was about to leave work.

"Nothing...Sakura.."

"But why are you crying? Do you miss Sasuke...or?"

I wiped the tears from my eyes, "He lied to me. That bastard! He told me all these things he saw, but never saw them."

"Naruto, what are you talking about?"

I sighed, "He told me every day what he saw out the window, but all along there was nothing there. He just lied to me."

Sakura giggled, "Naru, he told you that because he didn't want you to suffer. He wanted to make you happy while you were here. Sasuke always was very smart and a lot of people here will miss him deeply. Me especially. I knew that he was a good kid and I'm sure you felt the same way."

My heart felt like stopping. Sasuke only told that to me to make me happy? Because he could see I was bored and not doing well, so he lied to me! Why would he do that? I am so horrible! I let him, my closest friend die. I don't deserve to live!

"Are you going to his funeral tomorrow?" Sakura asked.

"I thought it was tonight?"

"Well, his prayer service is tonight, but people are only going to see his body and lay flowers down for him and pray. It is actually in the church across the street from the hospital, but I'll just take you tomorrow since you cant walk yet. Now, before I go I need to give you your medicine."

I rolled my eyes, "You mean drugs."

Sasuke giggled, "It works, right?"

Sakura then gave me the shot and left. Tomorrow..they'd take his body away and I'd never get to see him again. It was all my fault he died and I did nothing.

"Oh...by the way, Naruto. You should really be happy because I know that Sasuke only died happily because of you. No one ever made him happy like you did. Not sure why, but...he was. What he said last night was so cute, don't you think?"

"Huh?" I said confused.

"Y-you didn't hear him?" Sakura asked.

"Well, no, I must have drifted off to sleep or something."

Sakura blushed and tried to hide a giggle, "He said he loved you...dobe.." She paused, "Weird, but kinda cute. Anyway, see you tomorrow." She shut the door after turning off the lights. And there I sat...all alone. Sasuke wasn't there to tell me what he saw anymore. He wasn't there to tell me anything anymore. I would now lay here all alone without his beautiful face to make me smile. I wouldn't hear his angelic voice again.

"Sasuke.." I cried holding my heart.

"I...I..." Suddenly I then pulled myself from my bed and slipped on the floor. I used my bed to support my weight. I stood up and made my way to the window. My legs hurt so bad and they felt as if they might fall off, but I wouldn't give up.

I opened the window and crawled out, scratching myself at the same time. "Damnit all!" I hissed. Luckily I was on the bottom level of the hospital or this would never work.

I limped across the grass as I headed for the church. I could see the lights dimmed and a few people walking out. I crossed the deserted street and made it to the church grabbing onto the door. My legs were giving out, but I was worried more about my heart letting go more than my legs.

I walked inside the church and the last couple there walked out giving me a funny look. My blond hair hung in my eyes, but I could still see the body of my roommate in a casket.

I found the strength to crawl over to the body and mentally broke down once I saw his ice blue lips and his pale face. If only I could hear his voice again!

My icy orbs began to let out steamy tears and I coughed and choked on them as I reached out and touched his freezing face. "Sasuke...you...baka!" I brought my face closer towards his and touched my cheek to his cold one. "Shit Sasuke...I...I don't know what my life is now that you're gone. I'm such a fucking idiot for letting you die! I wish I could have died instead of you cause you don't deserve it. My life should be erased. I hate myself! I hate MYSELF!" I licked my dry, cracked lips and took a deep breath. Tears slipped down my face and landed onto his. I tried to brush them away, but they'd just start again within seconds.

I pulled Sasuke's spiked hair behind his ears and stared into his face. He was so beautiful and so perfect. No. He still is.

I leaned over him and kissed his frozen lips, but it felt like nothing. I could taste his blood and heartless life, but at the same time I knew he cared. I couldn't feel his warm breath against mine and I couldn't see his reaction. He was gone. I moved my lips against his as slow as possible, but it was futile, he was truly gone.

I gently pulled away and smiled, sniffling at the same time. "The angels will watch over you, Sasuke." I brushed his cheek and the dim lights played shadows on his face.

My expression shattered once the words Sasuke said played again in my head. What he said..._**"There is always more dobe. The world is full of everything, but you only have to open your eyes to really see what is there right in front of you. It is always there, you just have to open your heart to see. Once you've done that then you have everything you've ever wanted."**_

"Sasuke, you meant that...I wanted to see what you were telling me, but I was too blind and wanted to see with my own eyes, but all along...all along I was blind Sasuke. You tried to make my heart see, but I was foolish." I wiped my hand across my face and my lips inched apart. "Sasuke...I..." Suddenly my breathing let lose and I began to cough. No one was there for me...**just like Sasuke.**

I fell to my knees and clutched my chest. I was left to die, **just like Sasuke**. I tried to scream out, but my voice was not heard**...just...like Sasuke**. I fell to the ground and knew I was going to die...**just...like...Sasuke**. And I knew that I loved Sasuke and wanted to be with him. Just...just as Sasuke wanted to be with me. "Sasuke...I'm sorry, but...I don't deserve to love you." I smiled and I felt my heart stop, yet I probably wouldn't be in the same place as Sasuke, but...it was worth hearing his stories about how he could see with his heart, rather than his eyes.

Just...just like Sasuke...

* * *

_**Silently~ Written by Aiya~**___

_**I was left alone to silently die, and I quietly wondered how come and why?**___

_**I knew they use to love me and would rock me to sleep, but now I'm alone as I silently weep.**___

_**For a strange reason and something hard to speak, even the one I loved left within that week.**___

_**I hated myself and what I stood for, so I finally decided to settle the score.**___

_**What do you do to destroy all the pain? Get rid of your life with the thrust of a blade.**___

_**The plan was genius, it was going as planned. My heart was black, sullen with nothing to stand.**___

_**But something reached forward and latched onto me, his eyes zipped up closed so he couldn't see.**___

_**His heart was fractured, silently dead. Who was this boy dying instead?**___

_**He whispered he loved me and it wasn't worth it. To stop this nonsense and flee and forfeit.**___

_**Life is special and it only happens once, so don't give up and be a dunce.**___

_**And then something hit me and I could finally see**__**  
**__**that perhaps this this voice could actually be**__**  
**__**not anyone else, but silently me.**___

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**A/N: This is so old and as I reread it I realize my writing has really improved cause this really sucked. Lol. It wasn't that bad, but anyway, please review and let me know what you think. =)**

**I LOVE REVIEWS!**

**Aiya~  
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